Tuesday, August 07, 2007

- Feeling down again -

Back to basics again...
Back to being moody...
Back to my old self...
Back to being depressed...
Back to cursing at myself...
Back to being useless...

Today is Daniel's last day in Singapore!
Had lunch with him today down at Bt Timah... @ some Hong Kong Cafe... food was cheap and average... I've always enjoy spending time with him... be it just listening or talking... he's just on the same frequency... We've actually celebrated last Wed, had Japanese lunch at Liang Court. Food was great there... really enjoyed it... spent 12.50 on Unagi... but its worth the price. Well, his dream came true... he got a teaching job in Japan and he just left for the land of the rising sun a few hours ago... the whole gang sent him off at the airport. I had a great time! His parents were so cool too... so supportive of him... and he told them he enjoyed our company all these time... so glad... well... i can only sit back and envy people...

What do i have for myself? I don't see anything... Daniel's quote " Dreams are what keeps us going and as long as we never stop dreaming, we will probably get there someday..."
I can only dream now... and hope it'll probably get to me someday... I too have big dreams and I'm trying to work towards them...
But i don't have support from anyone... i feel that no one has ever supported me in my entire life before... i just feel so unthought of... How not to think of the negative things? There is no positive things i can recall of... being the class vice-chairman cum treasurer... got in to the Prefectorial Board/Student Leader Board... my volleyball matches... you all have never been there... switching to media club and becoming the vice-chairman within less then 6 months... come to the events which i worked on as an AV crew...
Even having good grades... i was upset with my o'levels grades... you stood there and did nothing to comfort me... having the above average grades in poly... you are still not there for me... no reaction... not even a facial expression... do you all even care about me???
Sometimes i wonder if I'm your son at all... and why is Class 95 playing all the songs which are making me cry even more now? is the wold really against me? what did i do wrong?
Is caring too much for other people wrong too? i admit I'm selfish but i still put others before myself still... caring for other people's grades... they don't listen in class then exam come... approach me, i still teach... i nag at people to do work instead of watching videos and i still get shouted back at... cup the phone some more... what have i done to deserve all these? is caring so wrong?

Nobody cares that much for me... but i care so much for other people... more than i care about myself... what do i get in return?
Is the saying 好心没好报 really that true?
If thats the case can someone teach me how not to care?
I don't want to feel so miserable for the rest of my life...
My heart is really breaking now... i can feel the pain... its worse than having an open wound sprinkled with salt!


| - = kiwi88 = - @ 8/07/2007 01:53:00 am|

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